Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
