oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How does it feel to date your dad?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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