if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
