Who did Billy Mays play for?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
