just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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