He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think i got beer on your cat.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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