IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize