My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Someone came in the potted fern
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
