Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
