you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
