We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
