he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
