i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
