He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
