Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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