I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
