Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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