there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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