I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
