I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
