My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
