just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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