Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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