I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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