Me. At least after what I've been through.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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