Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
