Already got asked if we're dating
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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