remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
