All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they're like a gay fantastic four
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
