The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
