I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
there is glitter all over my balls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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