I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
