She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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