I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
