I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
