fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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