im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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