i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
