there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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