Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
