The maid of honor just puked.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize