trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
