I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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