quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
