any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
