I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
