He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
