Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
