i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
