Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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