when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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