id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
