I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
