At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
