yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
