Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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