either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
