I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
