So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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