ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
