i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what day is it and did you see me today?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
