sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize