non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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