tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
