Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize