we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
