She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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