I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
