Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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