I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
