Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
