Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
