what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
