that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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