See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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