Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
