I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
