So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
