Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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