In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
