Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
