Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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