just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
