So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
