textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
