Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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