I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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